Mommy, I will call you Noodle: March 2009

I've never claimed to be graceful. As Elaine said one time in Seinfeld, "Listen, I don't have grace, I don't want grace, I don't even SAY grace!" (Okay, that part doesn't apply, but you get the point). When I was little my mom used to call me "Grace" any time I did something incredibly clutzy, which was pretty often, looking back. I even picked "Engracia" for my obligatory Spanish name in high school Spanish class.

You want some examples of my lack of grace? One day after preschool I was at my friend Andy's house and we were playing tag. Their house was one of those where you walk in the front door, the living/dining room was on your left, which had a door into the kitchen, which had a door into the family room, which was at the end of the entry way...thus forming a great circle for running. I got a little too excited and misjudged the door from the entryway to the family room and ran full speed into the wall, head first. Hello giant goose egg on my forehead.

A few years later, I was in the tree in our backyard, slipped and fell out...about 10 feet up...landing directly on my back on the ground below. No damage, just had the wind knocked out of me...and one petrified dad who saw the whole thing while he was mowing.

More? I broke my hand in 4th grade playing tag w/ my friend Jenny Robinson. We were using a bar for home base (the grabbing onto kind, not the belly up to kind!) and I reached out, going full speed, and bent my middle finger on my left hand all the way back. I heard it (and felt it, obviously) pop, but didn't realize it was broken until the next day when I looked down and saw a giant lump on the back of my hand. My mom made the orthopedist fashion my cast so I could still play the violin. Sick, I tell ya.

Go on? I was playing tag w/ Jenny again in 7th grade (why did I continue to play this game? I obviously was not cut out to play it without safety gear!). I was trying to get away from her by going inside the restaurant we were eating at and the entryway bricks were about 1/2 inch higher than the cement outside, which made me trip. I went headlong into a gumball machine, slicing my forehead open. I came away from that with 7 stitches in my right eyebrow.

Fast forward a few (okay...14) years to adulthood. You'd think maybe growing up had maybe let me become a little more graceful, but no. When Johnny and I were still living in Stillwater, I was working for a lawyer as his legal secretary. One day I was headed home for lunch and rather than strolling down the admittedly steep stairs that led outside, I decided I would take a flying leap from about the 6th step up. No, this was not on purpose. My foot got caught on the metal edging on one of the steps and I fell, face first, towards the door at the bottom of the staircase. My hands somehow managed to hit the pushbar that opens the door and I landed on my chin on the concrete landing outside. Not only did I need 7 stitches in my chin, but I also bent the fingernails back on both middle fingers (when I hit the door) and cracked (well...the dr. said it wasn't, but it sure felt like it!) my kneecap on the edge of one of the steps. I didn't know what to focus on because everything hurt equally!

After we moved to OKC, I was mountain biking w/ my friend Rachel and her hubby Nick and hit a rocky part of the track we were riding. I ended up doing a flip over my handlebars and whacked my right hand hard enough on one of the rocks to warrant a trip to the emergency room. I admit the Meyers got to hear some choice words that afternoon. No broken bone, but I sure did cringe every time I shook someone's hand for the next YEAR after that!

Which leads me to my most recent ER visit. Okay...so technically it was the after hours clinic, but it did involve another X-ray! Saturday one of J.J.'s friends from church had a birthday party at "Pump It Up", a local party venue that has lots and lots of inflatables: moon bounces, obstacle courses, slides, etc. This being the first time J.J. had ever been in one of those, he was a little timid and Mommy had to join in the fun to raise his courage. We went down the really big slide quite a few times and the obstacle course once together. Then he decided to tackle the obstacle course by himself. I watched him go over the first two hills and through the little mesh-covered tunnel that led to "Mt. Everest" at the back of the course...a really tall (for a 3 year-old!) slanted wall with blocks and handles to climb up, with a slide at the top that brings you back to the entrance. When we had gone through it together, he got scared and needed help from Mommy to get up. This time he handled it like a pro--a regular Tenzing Norgay on the original Everest! (He's one of the original sherpas...read Into Thin Air and you'll learn all about him.)

Anyway...he scaled that wall in no time and got up to the top and, as I was watching through the mesh wall at the back, I had to run to get to the front to watch him come down the slide. I didn't want him to be scared by me not being there to catch him. Unfortunately, I didn't make it. I was too busy kicking one of the metal anchors that hold the inflatable on the ground! You know how that goes...you're walking (or in my case, running) and you misjudge the spacing next to a large obect like the couch or a table leg and you inevitably kick it with your pinky toe. It hurts like the dickens, you mutter a few not-so-nice words under your breath (or scream them if no kids are around), walk around on your heel for a bit, breathing in and out like you just ran a marathon (because somehow, extra oxygen makes it stop hurting faster) and you're fine.

But not this time. Oh no. I hit that thing full-force! The pain made my head go all swirly. But I would not be kept from my important business of seeing my kid go down the slide. Except he was already down and headed back in for another go-round. Noting that he was fine, I took time to look down at my poor little piggy that cried 'wee wee wee' and was shocked to see that it wasn't bleeding! I thought for sure the pain was indicative of my toenail being forcefully removed from my person. But there was something a little awry...my toenail was still there, but it was no longer facing up like the rest of the toes. No, this soldier had fallen out of formation. My poor little piggy was now rotated 90 degrees so that the toenail was facing out from my foot.

Mmmhmm. That's me, the clutziest mom on earth. I go to a birthday party for a 3 year-old and come decide to have my own little 'fun'. My first thought was that it was dislocated. So I hobbled over to a bench where my friend Nancy was sitting and asked her if she knew how to relocate a toe. I showed her my toe and asked her what I should do. She said, "Pop it back in." WHAT?!?!? Do I look like a doctor? Or a person with the pain tolerance to do that to myself? But I thought, well...that's probably what it needs and it was still numb from the original shock, so if I was going to do it, now was the time. So I steeled myself and grabbed my poor little pig. I pulled it out and tried to move it. It didn't budge! Not even a millimeter!

By this time, a little crowd of moms was forming (okay...2 more moms), and I was getting a little embarassed by the fact that I'm that clutzy, so I tried to just kind of play it off. But the shock and numbness was quickly wearing off and fear, panic and PAIN was setting in. I thought one more time about trying to move my toe back into place and then called Johnny, who was at home with Hadley. I told him what had happened and asked if I should try to move it and his intelligence broke through my fog of humiliation and searing agony. He said, "If it's broken, you don't want to mess with it." Good call, honey.

So, we decided to let J.J. stay at the party (no sense in making him suffer for his mom's ridiculous lack of poise....and balance!) and he rode home w/ our friend Melissa. We headed to the after hours doctor by our house and got an x-ray and a jolt: he said it was broken (all the way through...not just fractured) and would probably require SURGERY to fix it! WHAT?!?!?!?!? Dr. Mumbles (the man was barely audible!), could you repeat that??? I said, "Are you kidding me???" When the dr. left, I looked at Johnny who burst into laughter. Meanwhile, I burst into tears....not from pain, but from utter humiliation! How could I do something so serious by stubbing my toe?!?!?!

The rest of the weekend was spent with me on the couch or in bed with my foot propped up, toes taped to each other and bluish-black skin below them. Got lots of crocheting done w/ my mom and my lovely friend Lauren. Then yesterday I went and saw the incomparable Dr. S, a lovely female podiatrist, who gave me the best news...NO SURGERY REQUIRED! WHEW! She gave me a shot, moved my toe about 2 millimeters back into place and sent me home in a walking air cast. Yes...I'm in a boot. It's the height of fashion, I tell you. And not at all uncomfortable! Ummmm....yeah....that's a big lie. I have to wear a long sock with it and inflate it with a little blue squeezy bulb thingy. One part of my foot is in constant discomfort, whether it's my actual toe that's broken or another part that just feels like a too-tight shoe is rubbing on it all the time. But hey...I could be on crutches or need surgery. So I guess I shouldn't complain. And that percoset she gave me....WOO!!! Good stuff, Mainard! (If this seems a bit weird and WAY too wordy...it's because I took one about an hour ago and my head is a bit spinny and fuzzy!)

And I can still drive. So that's good...nobody has to shuttle me around for 4 or 5 weeks, which is how long I get to wear this lovely device. At least I get to take it off to sleep, shower and drive. Maybe I'll just sleep 10 hours a day, drive around for 4 hours and take REALLY long showers! That will minimize the amount of time I have to wear it, right? :) I know...it's to help me heal.

Well...that ended up being a MUCH longer post than I expected. If you made it all the way through, BRAVO to you! Hope you all are having more luck with your balance than I am! Good night!

Since I never posted anything about my precious 3 year-old's birthday, I'll do it now!

We had originally planned on having his birthday party on the 24th at church. Invitations were sent, emails sent, church rooms reserved, decorations and juice boxes bought, etc. Then he decided he needed to get sick. With a sinus infection. Oh...and pink eye!

So we had to postpone...and we would have postponed for the next weekend, but Johnny's mom's wedding was planned for that weekend, so...no dice. We had to shoot for the FOLLOWING week...February 4th.

On his actual birthday (Sunday), he was feeling well enough to go out to eat w/ Grandma to celebrate Daddy's birthday at Texas Roadhouse, so we did get to do that. So his birthday didn't go completely unnoticed. Here's a few pics of that day:

Waiting for a table at TR

Grandma brought one of my old toys for him to have!

Daddy's present from Grandma...yes, it says, "Totally Useless History of the World"...that's just the stuff Johnny likes...I don't know.

Gator Golf!!! From Mommy & Daddy

Grami brought some presents and a cake!

SO...then the ice storm of 2009 came...and postponed Grami's wedding for 3 weeks because the entire city of Eureka Springs, AR was shut down, basically! So we got to enjoy a Minnie Mouse party for Cousin Hannah and a High School Musical party for Cousin Madison on that Saturday (the 31st). Nothing like an entire day of birthday festivities, topped off with the WORST dining-out experience EVER! Seriously! We wanted to eat w/ Nana & Pappy that night at Red Lobster but they said it was an hour-and-a-half wait! How is it possible to wait longer than it takes people to eat??? So then we went to Chili's where we were told it was a 15 minute wait...that turned into an hour! Not so fun!

Anyway, the actual birthday extravaganza ended up being the next weekend (Feb. 4th) and it was so much fun! It was a Cars theme...because that's what 3 year-old boys like! "Lighting Queen", as J.J. calls him. We had the movie playing, had a giant Cars tent set up in the room and then had a birthday Grand Prix!!! Instead of describing what that is, I'll let the pictures speak for themselves:

J.J. gets help opening a gift from his buddy Sawyer

Hadley's future boyfriend, Ian...who outweighs her by 3 pounds, despite being 5 months younger! Don't you love that they're holding hands?? Not staged...he grabbed it!